The Brave Single Woman

There was a time when a woman was considered incapable of being independent. In 200 BC Manu condemned women by proclaiming, ‘In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead to her sons; a woman must never be independent’. For millenniums this dictat was followed by the custodians of society. But today you see independent, single women having the last laugh at Manu’s expense. They are in our offices, in our housing societies, in the markets, just about everywhere. The best part is that this number is only increasing every day.

Many women leave home for higher education. Some go out for better job opportunities. And some just want to enjoy independence. They owe no explanation to anyone. These women live life on their own terms. It doesn’t mean that life is hunkey-dory for them. Day in and day out they face their unique challenges: managing household chores, taking care of finances, overcoming discrimination everywhere, dealing with safety issues.

Despite a single woman being a reality in our cities, the cultural barriers and attitudes are difficult to bridge. That is why most independent women are not really comfortable living alone. There are people who think that it is a bold and brave decision to live alone; and there are some who think that one has to be a desperado to opt for living alone, and work for a living. There are certain men folks who offer help with a hidden ulterior motive.

This makes women opt for a roommate instead of living alone. A roommate is part of one’s support system. They can also share resources, thus making it economical for both of them. They can do fun things together, as well as share necessary chores. Yet there are times when roommates come from entirely different backgrounds. Their habits don’t match. This can be frustrating at times, but more often than not it results in an increased capacity to make adjustments in life.

Like most other cities, Shimla too has a number of single women braving it out. They live in paying guest accommodations, YWCA, and as tenants in various parts of the city. Many Shimla girls live in other parts of the country all alone. Some of them come from protected backgrounds, but manage pretty well when left to fend for themselves. Sulochana who works for a software company feels that the basic problem for a single woman lies in dealing with utility services, like plumbing, gas connection etc. The other most important aspect is safety. Though Shimla is a relatively safe place, traveling after dark makes her uneasy. She feels that local support and the support of her male colleagues is invaluable in most cases. She has very good neighbors who are part of her support system.

Power cut is a problem in Shimla. It was quite bad in February. It is difficult to sit all alone in the darkness. Sulochana’s answer to this situation is sitting and meditating in the dark. Connecting to God gives her strength to live alone. Festivals are lonely times for her. That is when local colleagues and neighbours are most needed.

Most girls who live alone find the going sometimes rough, sometimes fun, and sometimes exciting. However, they all agree that it is an enriching experience. It makes them mature and capable of handling all challenges.

So on this Women’s Day, let us give a round of applause to these brave single women, who are battling against all odds and growing from strength to strength.

But the question remains that if women are men’s equals, why is women’s day celebrated??

TOI Shimla Plus, 8th March 2008, Chitra Jha